So good news (on the tail of my last post it’s probably about time) I got an A in English. It only took 3 tries, that’s right, I took that class 3 read that t-h-r-e-e three times! So I guess by now an A was my only option, otherwise it would be just pitiful. Actually it was pitiful that I had to take it a 2nd time, but ya know.
Planning out my classes for next semester. For some reason when I first signed up I though it would be a good idea to have a class at 7:40AM. WHAT WAS I THINKING? I don’t get up at 7:40, and to get the kids off to daycare and what not, I would have to be up by 6 and out the door by 6:30 kids in tow!!! That’s just ludacris! So I’m now re-arranging my schedule (something I should have thought of 2 months ago when I signed up.) Actually adding more classes as I want to go 5 days a week, but trying to get good seperation between them to give me time to do homework and the like. I have one last class that I have to get moved (the 7:40 class actually) and I’ll be set. If all goes as planned, my earliest class will be 9:40, which is doable, not nice, but doable.
I should be sleeping, but sleep refuses to come. My mind refuses to submit to the wills of my flesh and so the thoughts pour through my head, water through a wire strainer. There is no stoping it. So I’ve decided not to, and so I write. What sad is I can’t write about what’s really bothering me, to do so would bring only rdicule and shame to one I love and so I must write about nothing and pretend that it helps. It doesn’t. Sleep does not come easily to a troubled mind, a my mind is troubled by many things lately. And so I write. Writing sothes my mind, but only when I write about what’s on my mind, so what do I sothe in writing nothingness?
Is it wrong to know oneself to be good, but allow others to think bad about us? Is it wrong to allow others to build a face image of us because we fear the consequences of not allowing them to do so? If the consequence of fighting what people presume can lead to worse then allowing them to jsut assume it, is it weak to take the “easier” way out even when nothing is truly easy? At what point do we fight, even when it seems fighting is not only futile, but could actually worsen the situation?
Justice is not blind, she mocks those who think so. Justice sees all, knows all, and yet only tells what she wants. A piece here, a piece there, never the full truth, never everything. Are we too weak to handle the truth? Is it better to fear releasing the guilty or imprisoning the innocent? I always thought that we should fear the latter, I would rather 100 guilty men walk free than 1 innocent man suffer. Maybe I am unwilling to face reality, but I’ve been both side, I’ve been the guilty and the innocent. I have been caught for what I did wrong, and accused of things I never did. At which point does justice become vengence.
We call ourselves free. We pride ourselves on our freedom. Yet our justice system makes it easier for someone to plead guilty to lesser charges with easier penalities, regardless of guilt, because to fight the charge and face a lose then would be worse. Please guilty to petty theft, there’s no prison time, cause if I can convice the court that you commited grand theft, you are going to jail! Do we not see a sad fact that we are more concerned with convictions then finding the truth? If petty theft was ever an option why was it not the only option? Why charge someone with a serious crime only to offer them an “out” of less? We set ourselves up for failure, we set ourselves up to be decieved and to decieve. We are wrong. Plea agreements are wrong. Justice is not blind, she is a mockery of everything I hold dear.
Mock me no more, I will not stand for it. I will not hear it. I will cry out. I will cause all to know of the mockery you make of everything I hold dear. I will scream at the top of my lungs until my mouth bleeds and throat swells shut! Justice, you are not real!
So I took English 102 over the summer, condesing 16 weeks of work into 5 weeks can be interesting to say the least. I have a midterm due in my histroy class by midnite and my portfolio for English is due tomorrow at 2PM.. EEIIII! So I spent 3 hours wrapping up one of my essays and am not sure how long it will take me to finish the second. And I have to write my intro letter.. It’ll be exciting I tell you.
Actually it is exciting. I’m actually doing it, it’s been hard I tell you. Trying to budget my time and make sure I get everything done, but still it’s been difficult for me. Work, fam, school, it’s a lot to juggle. Found out how they calculate Idaho Child Care Program eligibility. Damn near the weirdest thing I heard of. So determine how many hours you spend in “work related activities” when in school, they take the starting time of your first class of the day and the ending time of your last class. So if you have 2 classes, one 7:30AM - 8:40AM and the other from 3:30PM - 4:40PM, then they count you in work related activities from 7:30AM - 4:30PM. The catch is that online classes don’t count, so I’ve been shooting myself in the foot taking them (like this summer..) I think I might rearrange my schedule and do something close to that, that way atleast I have time for homework, compared to now where I go to school 3 days a week for 6 hours straight and then go to work, and watch the kids fo 6 hours 2 days a week and then go to work.. If I can go to school 5 days a week, for 3-4 hours a day with 3 hours of break each day to do homework, I think I could actually get shit done
That’s enough out of me for the day..
My borg designation is 2 of 7. My parents raised me LDS, but I'm atheist. My wife loves me, my kids think about it. My dog thinks I abandoned her and sleeps on the couch.